Divorce Coaches are Ideal Support for Lawyers and Clients
One question I often hear from both lawyers and people going through divorce, is “why would I need a divorce coach if I already have a lawyer, or if I plan to use a lawyer?” It’s a great question. And I have a great answer. All clients need a healthy support system to learn how to work toward compromise, develop healthy communication strategies, and make room to focus on the future. The key to building a healthy support system is the word “system” - you need a team. When you are going through divorce, all of your usual strengths may feel like they’ve evaporated because you are swamped in the overwhelm of the unknown. There is no doubt you are an expert in many things, but you are not an expert in divorce.
So how do you develop into an expert?
You find the people who are and build a support team. When these structures are in place, outcomes improve, and everyone achieves better results.
Who are the people you need on your divorce support team?
Lawyers, divorce coaches, therapists, certified divorce financial planners, divorce mortgage specialists, realtors, and more - For this article, I will focus on the attorney and the divorce lawyer.
When people begin the experience of divorce, they go to what they know or what they’ve heard. Often the first thing they’ve heard is - get a lawyer. And that could be excellent advice. But the question may be - who is the right lawyer for you? To answer that question, you may want to work with a divorce coach first. Working with a divorce coach allows you to ask all the questions you have before you begin the “official” legal process. For instance, what is your communication style? How do you receive information and how do you convey it? What concerns are most important to you? Parenting time? Child support/Alimony? Where you will live? Are you going back to work or adjusting your work schedule? You can prioritize the issues before you speak to the lawyer so that you are clear about what you want and what you need. This makes you a more effective client which in turn saves you time and money and gets you to your end result faster and more efficiently. Lawyers have different styles too. When you have more clarity about what you want and need, you will be better able to assess which lawyer is the right fit for you. Until you start asking different kinds of questions of both yourself and the lawyers you interview, you may not even explore the options you have. You may not even realize you have options. These are exactly the kinds of questions that arise as a result of the coaching you are experiencing with your divorce coach.
One thing I hear from attorneys, is that their clients often reach out to them for the emotional support. It is challenging for the attorney for a number of reasons. First of all, though attorneys truly want to support their clients, they don’t always have the time to listen to the whole story of how the ex did that terrible thing. Additionally, attorneys may not feel like they are trained to be a therapist or a coach. The support team approach that meshes multiple divorce specialists together serves clients’ needs powerfully. The lawyer handles the legal issues. The therapist can handle the past issues that are interfering with the challenges of today, and the coach works with the client to bridge the gap between therapist and lawyer. The coach asks the questions that move the client from where they are stuck today, through the hard parts, into future possibilities that open up for a brighter more hopeful future. With the team approach, the client reaches better results in a much shorter time frame, saving both time and money upfront and in the future. The upside for the attorney when a client has a divorce coach on board, is that the attorney can focus on the legal issues and strategy while the coach is on board for powerful listening and intentional questioning. This work helps the client clear out the noise and prioritize the core issues and best communication strategies to resolve them. The divorce coach’s only stake in the process is to enable the client to be/find/create their best self during the process.This allows the attorney to focus on the legal issues with more clarity so that everyone is on the same page and they get the best results possible for each unique client. Outside the legal space, the coach and client wade through the questions and concerns that the client may be afraid to ask their attorney. Often, a client may simply not be able to articulate the question until they are triggered by the curiosity inspired by the coach. Once that happens, the client gains the confidence within the legal space to be effective in communicating their wants and needs.
How a coach can unlock questions from a speechless client.
Often when attorneys meet with clients, they explain an issue or legal strategy in detail and then ask the client if they have any questions. The client looks up at the attorney silently, shaking their head no, with a deer in the headlights stare. I know it happens. I was that client. I assumed my attorney had my best interests at heart. And he did. But he never really asked me what I wanted and so I never really told him. He told me about what he could get me or what he usually got a client in a case, and I nodded my head, because I was terrified that this, the divorce, was really happening to me.
I wish I had a divorce coach on my divorce team.
I invite my family law referral partners to consider adding access to coaching services to your menu as a concierge offering to your clients. Have them meet with me for a complimentary 30 minute discovery session. They can get to know me and the coaching process and decide if they would like to try it out in conjunction with their case. I can provide pre-mediation coaching as well as coaching throughout the process or as roadblocks occur. One of the benefits of coaching is that we work on building the client’s self image and inner strength. I have seen incredible transformations in my clients in as little as 6 weeks. They go from scared and timid, to confident and curious. They begin to look to the future as filled with positive potential and opportunity instead of the swirling chaos of the unknown. Additionally, I am certified as a conflicted co-parenting coach, and I can assist post-divorce as co-parenting issues arise as well, helping clients manage the emotions and control issues that arise.
Service offerings:
Early divorce emotional regulation and issue clarification, building clarity, confidence and courage, practical and soul support, pre-mediation coaching
Mid-divorce - support for spousal communication clashes and developing tools for conflict pivots plus continuing interest and issue clarification, as well as future visioning
Post-divorce - conflicted co-parenting issues, designing life transition/identity shift visioning, dating and other new experiences
As your client’s coach, I will be their thinking partner. I will help them articulate what is most important to them. I will guide them to identify the interests that underlie the positions they or their spouse may be taking, so they can share that information with you and become a much more credible client. And then, you can be their best advocate, as they have newfound confidence. They will be happier with their results and sing your praises to their next friend going through the process.
Feel free to contact me. Lisa @lzlcoaching.com or schedule a free 30 minutes discovery session https://lzlcoaching.as.me/schedule/f485d191
