As we ring in the New Year 2025, we have the chance to take stock of what happened in 2024. We often categorize our lives into buckets, good years and bad years. My experience has taught me that life is always both/and.  What did 2024 give you?And what did it take from you and how did you actively engage in your life instead of merely letting life happen to you? Or did you feel like you weren’t part of the process?

In my life, the year began with fear and sadness. The world is at war in so many ways. People, friends and leaders, spouses and ex-spouses, children and parents, siblings, they let us down.  These feelings live in our micro and macro worlds. Each of us lives our own story. Each of us experiences the outside world in a different way. Our personal life can overshadow the global and for some the opposite is true. 

What would you do to move yourself through this pattern? How can you find the purpose and passion to dig out of the fear and challenge and into the hope and opportunity? 

These are tough questions. So I’ve compiled a few small steps to help you on your journey through next year. 

Baby Steps

This year I started the year healing from knee replacement surgery. I had to learn how to walk again. Literally. It’s a metaphor for all of us. When we learn to walk, we start slowly.  We take baby steps.

So many people come through my door and feel overwhelmed by the enormous changes happening in their lives. They are working through the dark and disruptive experience of divorce. They are disappointed, terrified, and grieving, and don’t know how to start. 

Small steps. Small actions are the first step. 

I gained this insight after reading James Clear’s “Atomic Habits.” This thinking truly shifted so much of my own narrative and my story. I read it during the summer of 2023 and put it into action in 2024. Small shifts, consistently practiced, yield big results. I encourage my clients to make small changes, little mindset shifts. I remind them of their deeper values and their power to lean into their true identity.  This helps us move forward.

For some, the smallest step and most empowering step can be pausing to take a breath. Just breathe. Stopping to breathe, noticing the breath, is often all it takes to lift you out of a fear spiral. Notice your body when it’s happening and stop to breathe. 

Let go of the story, and write your new one

Many of my clients ruminate about the past and what led to their current situation. They feel so stuck and enmeshed in that story. I know it's hard, and yes this happened to you. But no, it doesn’t define you. You get to rewrite the story of your past to launch you into your future.  Humans are prone to a negative bias. We remember the worst things that happen and forget the good. This is actually embedded in the science of survival. We need to know the dangers so we can respond. But when we only remember what's wrong, we do ourselves a disservice. We forget to honor our successes and our strengths. When it feels like we are drowning in a sea of failure, we have the power, it’s an instinct, to remember how to swim to shore. 

Find your GPS and identify where you are going

So much of the work we do is about discovering what my clients want and need. I encourage my clients to take their gaze out of the story of last year, last month, yesterday. Look into the future. Imagine what your heart desires and name it. Say it. Write it. Articulate it and imagine it. You can’t move forward until you have a vision of a place to go. We all know that when it comes to our GPS system, we have to tell Waze our destination. It’s no different with our lives. Even when we feel like we have no clue where we are going. Ask yourself, what do you want? Why is that important for you? What is my “Why” and how can I uncover it? What small action can I take regularly, and make into a habit, that will amplify my actions and inspire me to move forward?

Focus on creating opportunities and being curious.

I know that’s hard. Divorce is more than mindset shifts, but that is truly where we need to begin. Once you begin to own your story and your power to direct your life, you find that openings and opportunities appear. I have clients reach out because they feel they have hit a wall and need to change their lives. Often the most impactful moment, is when we uncover the piece of their soul that’s been buried under years of stories. This new awareness allows them the strength to assess where they are in the process of divorce and define what tools and resources they need to move forward. Sometimes its legal support, sometimes, mediation. Often the very first thing I encourage my clients to do is get their financial house in order.  As your divorce coach, like your primary care physician, I see the whole you and we identify what needs you have so you will get to your resolution sooner.  This is what it means to get curious. We think outside the box and ask lots of questions that drive us closer to your best future self. 

So much is out of our hands when it comes to the divorce process. But when you find the strength to ask for help, work through the process and build a network of support, you will change your life in a myriad of ways. 2025 has infinite possibilities. Take a deep breath, get curious  and jump in!