A key reason people seek out coaching support is because they feel “stuck.”  Stuck in a relationship or marriage they’ve outgrown, stuck in a career they can’t kickstart, stuck in a lifestage that seems unclear and unsettled, stuck in a repeating family narrative they can’t escape.  There’s one Jewish saying which states, “Man plans, God laughs.” There is another which says, “This too shall pass.”  The question is how do we move through life’s unexpected twists and turns in forward motion. How do we get through the hard stuff knowing it will pass, and appreciate the good stuff, knowing that it too will pass?  When is it time to acknowledge we need to ask for help?

And who do we reach out to?

When you are dealing with divorce, you are facing multiple transitions and losses all at the same time. You may feel like you are “supposed to” know how to handle certain things, but you don’t, so you stew in the unknown, afraid to ask for help.  Maybe you think you are “supposed to” have your emotions regulated already or your financial plans made. Maybe there are so many issues keeping you up at night that you feel frozen and can’t take even one step forward.

That’s when you need to reach for the oxygen mask. That’s when it’s time to hire your divorce coach.

As a divorce coach who is also a spiritual counselor, I work with clients through the space between.  The space between deciding to divorce and communicating it to your spouse, your family, your friends and your community.  The space between the shock of being blindsided by your spouse and taking your first steps toward self empowerment. The space between protecting your kids, fighting over your kids, putting them in the middle or making them the center of all your divorce decisions.  Your divorce coach helps you educate yourself and get the information you need. She guides you through the emotional roller coaster that can overwhelm you and helps you rewrite the stories that are keeping you stuck.  She reminds you that you are the author of your life.  You get to decide what your story will be. The future is ahead of you, and the work in the space in between will enable you to design the life you may never have dreamed of - even after a great loss, there can be great gains.

There is a Talmudic story in which a revered rabbi visits one of his students who is ill.  He enters the student’s home and asks, is this suffering dear to you?  The student replies, neither it nor its reward.  Then the rabbi reaches out his hand and the student stands up, healed.  The space between the question “is this suffering dear to you” and the response “neither it nor its reward” is the coaching zone. That is where the coach can work with the student to dig deep into the story of the suffering and help the student find the answers that will heal him.  This is the space where the coach gives the client permission to shift their mindset, reignite passion and purpose, write new chapters of their life story and create a new reality that meets the challenges of the new life format with renewed energy and a positive vision for the future.

If you are feeling stuck and asking yourself “is this suffering dear to me”, please feel free to reach out for a free 30 minute discovery call here.  You can find me at www.lzlcoaching.com.

Lisa Lisser is a CDC certified divorce/divorce transition coach and a certified spiritual counselor. She also has a Masters in Jewish education and is a retired attorney.