Very often, divorce is the beginning of a person’s relationship with money. Let me rephrase that. Divorce is the beginning of a person’s personal responsibility for his or her financial future. For many people, women especially, money is something that is other people’s responsibility. First, it is their parents’ responsibility, and then when they get married, they delegate financial responsibility to their husbands. It may not be a clear dividing line. For instance, they may have discussions about big purchases, like homes or furniture, renovating the kitchen. But it could be that the husband is responsible for bringing in the resources while the wife takes care of the kids at home. And it could be that while they talk about money, the husband keeps the details to himself.  There could be a host of reasons underlying this situation, but the bottom line is that when divorce happens, the wife often feels like she has no idea how much they have, how she will pay the bills, and how she will support herself in the future.

While this fear of the unknown can overwhelm you, it can also be an opportunity for education and empowerment. The more you learn, the more empowered you feel, even if the information you learn shows you that you are in deep financial trouble, at least you are at a starting point where you can take action, rather than letting the situation take control of you.

In this blog post, I will share some of the positive steps you can take to begin to take charge of your financial future.

For your financial present, the first step always begins here:

1. Compile a list of all the financial information you know.  Creating the list will not only begin the process of organizing what you know, but will help you begin to ask questions about what you don’t know. And it will further help you ask your financial experts to help you discover questions about what you don’t know that you don’t know.  This will begin the process of giving you a fuller picture of what you have and what is missing. This list will include things like: 

1. Bank accounts

2. Stock accounts

3. Real estate

4. Tax returns

5. Credit card statements

These are just the tip of the iceberg. Every situation includes additional items that are specific to them. You will know your situation better than you think, you simply have to begin the process and get curious.  When you get curious, you will start to think about information you need, but don’t yet know and then you will:

1. Compile a list of all the financial information you need to know. As you begin to look at your lifestyle up to now, and your spouse’s lifestyle up to now, many questions will crop up. They won’t be easy questions. Sometimes, realizing that your spouse has not been transparent with finances is the beginning of an emotional nightmare. Working through these issues with a coach at your side will help you process both pieces.  You will be able to keep your focus on the numbers while you explore the most effective ways you can deal with the financial and other betrayals at the same time.  These will be forward looking tools rather than backward looking. We focus on “how will I move toward my future” as opposed to “how did I let this happen.”

Your next step is to: 

1. Envision your financial future  What are your values and how can you live them in every aspect of your life including your financial life?  This is a big question, but perhaps it is the most significant question you can ask yourself when you are planning how to manage your financial situation today and into the future. So many of us rarely take the time to synchronize our financial plans with our values and visions, yet this is perhaps the most important place to build alignment with our values.   

2. Write your financial vision statement This is where you have the opportunity to look at your future with hope and confidence. You will be able to move forward and get out of financial insecurity, whether it comes from lack of resources, lack of information, lack of experience, or simple, basic fear. Your financial vision statement will be:

1. Forward-looking

2. Motivating and inspirational, and

3. Reflective of your core values

How often in life do we rush forward without looking? When we don’t have a target, we don’t know where we are going and then we find that we are reacting to circumstances rather than behaving in an intentional way. Without a plan, we don’t know where we are going.  Yet the most obvious plan may be right in front of us - our personal values. But somehow articulating our values into a financial vision statement, which should be one of our leading steps, is left to chance or osmosis. Working with a divorce coach and the right financial professional, will go a long way to ensuring that your financial future is built on your vision, your values and will launch you toward success.

For more information reach out to lisa@lzlcoaching.com or schedule a free consultation here.